Funny, De-Motivational Quotes to Start Your Day

Every now and then, you need a little dose of humor with funny, and perhaps, de-motivational quotes. Listening to other people’s thoughts on the stupidity of themselves and the rest of humankind always makes for a good laugh. Don’t ever take yourself too seriously! There’s nothing better than the ability to poke fun at oneself and laugh at your own dumb mistakes. Here are some cynical thoughts from some great minds to lighten your day.

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
-Margaret Mead

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
-Isaac Asimov

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
-Ron White

“When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
-Albert Einstein

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
-Steve Martin

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
-Theodore Roosevelt

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”
-Oscar Levant

“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But, so is thunder and lightning.”
-Clint Eastwood

“If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.”
-Laurence J. Peter

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
-Bill Cosby

“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
-Jerry Seinfeld

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
-Benjamin Franklin

“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
-Henny Youngman

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